An Average Three Day Weekend in the Marine Corps (With Zombies!) Part 3

"Shit!" I yelled as I ran up to Ski. The Bullet had hit him in the upper right torso. "Ski stay with me, how you feeling?" I said as I tore my shirt and started treating his wound. He stood up and grabbed his shotgun, "Bitch shot me." He said, then shot her in the head, destroying it.

"Dude, sit down." I said. Ski looked at me and asked "Why? Whats wrong?"

I pointed to the blood running down his chest. "Because you just got shot in the chest with an very high caliber bullet." He looked down at his wound.

"It's nothing." He said.

"I'll just, you know, walk it off or something"

"Look, just wait here for a second, okay?" He agreed, and I reloaded my pistol and walked to the door. "I'll be right back, okay?" He nodded and gave April another kick, apparently getting shot pissed him off.

I opened the door and walked right up to the nearest 2 men I could see. I punched one in the back of the head, knocking him to the floor, then aimed my gun at the other. "I need a gunshot wound treated. Are you a doctor?" I asked, He shook his head, "Our only doctor is April, I don't kno-" I shot him in the head. The other man began crawling away so I grabbed him. "You better have a different fucking answer than the that bitch, and I better like it for your sake." I told him.

He instantly started talking, "I can't treat a gunshot wound, but I know where the medical supplies are. I can take you there." I pushed him forward and told him one word, "Fast." He seemed to get the idea and started moving, we went through a hallway and into a room with 4 people. One of them had a gun, as soon as he saw me he started shooting. The man in who was walking me to the medical supplies got shot right away and dropped, I jumped behind a desk and waited till I heard him stop shooting, then I popped up, and fired 4 rounds near the direction he was in, I ducked back down and heard him scream, "Who the fuck are you?" then fire at me some more. When the firing stopped I yelled back, "Who the fuck are you?" I heard footsteps moving around on the other side of the desk. Above me I noticed a mirror but couldn't get a look at what was going on because the angle was wrong. I raised my pistol and shot it, the glass shattered and fell to my feet. I picked up a larger piece of it and used to to see around the desk. 2 of the men who had left had now reentered with guns of their own. I remembered what April had said, "there are 7 of us." She was dead now, along with two others. That left only 4 and 3 of them were now trying to kill me. I needed one alive at the end of this to figure out what the hell was going on. Three against one, I regretted not bringing my M4 now. I checked with the mirror again, one of the men was reloading, the other two were on the other side of the room. I popped up again and shot one in the head, then jumped over the desk and grabbed the man who had been trying to reload his gun, I punched him in the chest and shot both his kneecaps, then ran out the door before the last man could get a shot off at me. I peaked my head around the corner and ended up looking right into the barrel of his gun. BAM! for a moment, I thought I was dead, and was confused to see my would-be-killer fall to the ground. Then I saw Ski standing in the corner, pistol still at the ready, and bleeding a lot. I ran over to him, "Sit down ok, I'm gonna patch that up." I walked over to one of the dead men, he had a USP 45 hand gun, I took it.

He pointed at the man on the ground, who's kneecaps I had shot out, "What about that guy?"

"We need him to find out whats going on, in the mean time, one of them is still running around here somewhere and I have to find him and get the medical shit to fix that hole on your chest." I ran off to go find the last guy, I checked the first room i entered. Nobody inside, but I found a first aid kit on the wall. I figured that was probably as good as I was gonna get. I started grabbing what I needed to treat Ski's wound. As I was about to go back, I heard something behind me. I spun around and looked, it was the last guy he was on the phone with somebody. I dropped the contents of my hands and drew my pistol. He still hadn't seen me so I crept up to him slowly, snatched the phone out of his hands and listened while keeping the pistol pointed at the man. "-bama and I. Find these intruders and kill them. They are going to ruin everything, call me as soon as they are dead understand?" The voice on the phone was oddly familiar somehow, but I couldn't quite figure out who it belonged to. I handed the phone back to him and whispered "Tell him you understand." The man did as told and hung up the phone. From the other room I heard a gunshot, followed by Ski yelling "One more bastard down!"

I shoved the man and told him to pick up the first aid supplies. "Start walking." I told him, we moved back to the room where Ski was and I ordered the man to start patching him up. While he was working on ski, I asked about the guy on the ground, "Why'd you shoot him?" 

Ski started reloading his gun, "He wouldn't talk, hopefully your guy knows more than he did. I told Ski about the phone call and how I knew the guy he was talking to but couldn't figure out who it was. When the man was done patching up Ski, I pulled him aside and started questioning him.

"Whats your name?"

"Marcus Mercer."

"Who was that on the phone?" He started sweating, in fact, he looked scared shitless.

"I can't tell you." I decided another angle.

"What's going on?"

"I... can't" 

"You had better fucking tell me Mark, I'm really starting to get fucking pissed off."

"Look, you don't understand, this is bigger than you, bigger than me, this goes all the way to the top!"

I looked him dead in the eye. "Listen to me, If you don't tell me what I need to know, I will kill you."

He looked at the ground, "I refuse to tell you who is behind this, why they are doing this, or the reason I am working on this project. You will have to kill me, and I accept that."

I glanced around, "I need a computer, where can I find it?" He looked back up at me, "There is a computer in the room you found me at, what do you plan to do?"

I handed him the phone, "Call the man you were on the phone with, put him on speaker, tell him everyone in this building is dead, including us, except for you."

He nodded and started the call. The man on the other line picked up, "I assume you have disposed of them, otherwise I will be very upset that you are making this call."

Mark screamed "I DIDN'T TELL THEM ANYTHING THEY HAVE ME HOSTA-" Me and Ski shot him at the same time, Ski picked up the phone, "Who am I speaking to?"

The man on the other line replied, "You will not foil our plans, you will not defeat us. Do yourself a favor and quit now." *click* he hung up.

Ski looked at me, "I know that voice too.... but I cant figure it out."

"Give me the phone." I told him, then ran to the other room where the computer was. I booted it on and reverse searched the phone number. One address came up. 1600 pennsylvania ave washington dc.  I looked at the screen for a long time. I knew the address by heart. The call had come from the White House. I ran out to Ski.

"You're never going to believe this man." I said, "I think the governments behind this."

He stood up and started walking to the door we had entered. "Where are we going now?"

"The white house." I said, I checked my watch. 10:00 pm. "And its a 6 and a half hour drive, so we should be there by 4 in the morning."

"Cool, I'll drive, you sleep." Ski said

We left the bunker and went upstairs, to the basement of the school. I got in the drivers seat of the van and we took off.

ROAD TRIP!!!

About 6 hours later we ran out of gas. I checked the GPS, "Dammit, we're 6 miles out, thing you can run?" Ski laughed "Of course I can, but were gonna have to limit our weight, pistols and grenades only." 

I started loading up on ammo. We left the van and started running the 6 miles to the white house.

DC was a disaster, it looked like a damn warzone. Overturned cars on fire, entire buildings had fallen, even the Washington Monument was ablaze. People lay dead in the streets by the thousands, also, zombies. They were everywhere. We tried to get around most of them to conserve our ammo, but every once in a while one got too close and we had to shoot them. Finally we were standing outside the gate to the white house, which looked untouched by the disaster. We were not exactly sure how to proceed. 

"Well," Ski started, "I guess we could just go around front and walk right in the door." I thought for a moment. "It doesn't seem like we have many options." Just then, A shot rang out, I felt a sting in my ear. I ran to an overturned 18 wheeler and got behind it. Ski ran up next to me, "I think theres a sniper up on the roof, I'm gonna try to g- HOLY SHIT YOUR EAR!" I felt for it, it was gone.

"Fan-fucking-tastic."

Ski picked something up off the ground, "Don't worry, I found it!" I looked over at him he was whispering something into what was once my ear. "What the hell are you doing?"

He looked up, "I'm telling you a secret." I rolled my eyes and focused at the task at hand. "Look," I said, "We need to get past that sniper and we only have two hand guns and 3 grenades. How are we gonna pull this off?" Ski looked at me and flashed an evil smile I have only seen one time before and thought I'd never see again. "SKI NO! We can't!" He laughed, "Oh yes we can!" And with that he vanished.

With Ski gone, and nowhere for me to go but behind the truck, I had to think of a way to avoid the zombies until he got back. At first I tried to play dead, but they could smell that I was still alive, So I went with the second best option. I shot as many as I could in the head and moved around as much as I could. Every now and then one would get really close to taking a bite out of me, but I was slightly quicker, thankfully these were slow zombies. Every now and then the sniper atop the roof helped me out by picking a few of them off. Finally I saw the horror I knew would take place. A large dog was walking towards me. Tied to the tail of it, was another dog, dead and being dragged across the road. When the dog approached me, it said "Alight man, I got it." Then Ski slid out of the dogs underbelly.
You see, Ski has this tactic he uses to sneak past people. He showed me once before when we were trying to escape from Mexican drug lords (long story) it was the most horrifying thing I had ever seen.

Exactly.

 Ski took the dog met for me and handed me the knife, sadly I knew what to do. I sliced it open and emptied it out, then I hopped inside. Me and Ski, now safely hidden in what would make the worst Halloween costume ever, we dog walked out in front of the trucks. The Sniper left us alone, and, surprisingly, the zombies as well. We made our way around to the front gate, which was open, so we just walked right in. Once we got to the door, we shed our disgusting dog suits and prepped our weapons, Ski looked at me "You know what pisses me off? Cats. All they ever do is eat the food and scratch the shit our of you? I mean, they aren't even loyal at all. A dog will love you, show its affection, even let you use their skin as a disguise to escape! I fucking hate cats."
I glared at Ski. "Dude, we're about to break into the white house during a zombie apocalypse and unravel what could be the biggest conspiracy in history and you're talking about.... cats?" He looked at me with a confused expression, "What? you like cats or something?" I replied "No... good point, I fucking hate cats too. Now lets do this." He smiled, "Lets."
I kicked in the door and searched the room, nothing. I heard a window crash as Ski decided it would be way cooler to rope swing through the glass. I don't have any idea how he even set that up and I wasn't about to ask. I was about to ask Ski if her had any ideas about what to do next, when a dozen men exploded out of a door and started firing automatic weapons at us. We instantly returned fire and killed 3, then ran to cover. The fire was overwhelming and we were pinned down. I looked at Ski, "We're going to throw our grenades at them, and as soon as they explode, we are gonna pull the corner and take them out, got it?"
"Seriously, fucking cats man, they ju-"
"SKI SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THROW YOUR DAMN GRENADE!"
We both tossed one, then I chucked the last. By the time the third explosion sounded, the gunfire had stopped all together. We popped around the corner and started shooting, within seconds, everyone lay on the ground dead. I examined the bodies and grabbed one of their rifles and some ammo. "These guys aren't secret service... what the fuck is going on man?" I asked. Just then I heard a soft "pop" and the world went black.




When I awoke I was in the Oval Office tied to a chair, next to me was Ski, also restrained. I tried to gather my surroundings. I was unarmed, no knives or anything. I looked at the clock on the wall, it was noon. The oval office looked very nice, considering the state of the rest of the city. Nothing was out of the ordinary, if I didn't know any better I'd say this was just another day in the capital. Except for the face that Barack Obama and Joe Biden were standing in front of us both holding what seemed to be some sort of weapon out of a syfi movie. Biden spoke first "Ahh, Mr Lyon and Mr Grochowski, so good of you to join us." Just then it clicked. The voice on the phone! It was the Vice Presidents.
I told him "Mr President, Vice President gentelmen, we are Marines here to help in any way possible, if you could please just untie us now-" Biden slapped me across the face with surprising force, "SHUT UP EARTHLING!" Now I was at stage 7 on my confused-as-ever-loving-shit scale. Ski looked at me, "Dude, did the Vice President just refer to you as 'earthling'?" Biden smiled and started walking around the room. "Perhaps you would like an explanation?" he asked. Ski looked at him and said, "Why yes sir! If you could be ever so kind to explain to us WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON MOTHERFUCKER?!?!?!" Obama let out a chuckle and said "Yes we can."

Smug little bastard

Biden began, "In the 1960's, a UFO crashed in Roswell New Mexico. I was on that ship, you see I am not from this planet. I'm an alien from the world Norswak in the outer regions of Pla-"
I stopped him "Bullshit. bullshit bullshit bullshit! I refuse to believe any of this!" Thats when Ski interjected, "Is the platypus from your home world?" Biden grinned, "Why in fact it is."
Ski looked over at me, "I believe him." Then told the Vice President/Alien to continue.

This picture was surprisingly easy to find.

When I crashed my communications tools were all severely damaged, as well as my robot."
I stopped him again, "WHAT?!?! A ROBOT? BULLSHIT! Lets see it you liar." I then saw something that I suspected for a very long time. Biden nodded to Obama, who took a knife, and very terminator like cut the skin off his face, reviling the thick metal that lay underneath.

ummm, change?

"You see," Biden started again, "I had electronically controlled nano DNA implanted into every American during the 1970-1990s. It is embedded into the DNA so it passes from mother to child. When I toxin called 'solime' comes in contact with this nano DNA, it will turn the host into a mindless zombie. All the DNA is controlled through Obama and can only be shut down when he is either destroyed, or shut down by me. Three days ago, I released this toxin onto the world. Now your planet is doomed, and I shall reign as overlord once our forces arrive and I deactivate the device turning all humans from zombie, into slaves of the mighty Norswakians!!! MUHAHAHAAAAA!!!"

I looked from robobama, to alienbiden, to Ski, then announced again, "What the fuck? Bullshit. There is no way any of this is possible." 

Biden smiled and said, "Believe what you want, but now, you will die." Robobama walked up to Ski, opened his mouth, and a circular saw came out, slowly making its way to him. Just when it was about to make contact, I heard an explosion, and a wall came falling down.  Once the smoke and dust cleared up a bit, I heard the words of a great man. "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" Dick Cheney stepped out of the smoke with a rifle.

"GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

He fired a burst into Biden, who exploded into a blue mist. Robobama spun around and started firing with machine guns through his hands. Obama returned fire and sparks flew out of Obama and he dropped. Cheney ran up to us and untied us. "Let's get the fuck out of here, I rigged the whole place to blow!" I followed him to the exit as we ran as fast as our legs could take us. When we were far away, the white house went up in a ball of fire. At that moment, I zombie grabbed Dick, and went in to bit him. Then stopped, looked around, and asked, "Wh...what? Where the hell am I?"

I looked around. All the zombies were returning to normal due to the destruction of Robobama.

I looked at Dick, "Mr Vice President, thank you, but how did you know?"

He lowered his weapon and replied. "I've been chasing these aliens for years. Biden was the last of them, it's over, it's finally over."

I looked at him, then at Ski, then at all the destruction around us, then at the recovering zombies rising out of the ashes. "Yes." I said. "It is over."

This story dedicated to Vietnam Vet's.
ROCK ON MOTHER FUCKA!

*EDITORS NOTE!* Joe Biden is the Vice President of the United States of America, not an alien bent on world domination. Barack Obama is the President of the United States of America. and probably not a robot although my suspicion still stands. Either way, conspiring to and/or put either of them in harms way is TREASON! Zombies, on the other hand, are real If you happen to be outside a bar and see a man who looks ill and is stumbling around making moaning noises, it is your DUTY AS AN AMERICAN to shoot him in the head.